Wondering about

How to feel relaxed during stressful times?

How to turn off

How to let go

One of the most irritating things said to me many years ago was "let go"

Let go?

Let go of what I asked?

There followed an explanation that totally confused and frustrated me

It frustrated me because I could not understand that I was not able to relax

I felt that I was relaxed but in reality I was busy trying to control things

Life had to be on my terms

I had my own perception of everything

Which was often not reality for others

Was not what they perceived me to be

When their perceptions did not fit mine I would get irritated or angry

Like when told to let go and could not understand what they meant

Slowly it began to dawn on me that I was really in a not so pleasant repeating pattern

Things kept going wrong

I began to try new courses and activities that promised self realization, offering to empower me, show me this and that, you name it I tried it

And not one of these courses gave me what I was looking for

One reason being that dimly I knew that I was not happy inside

But had problems admitting this

Finding fault in others

.

Finding frustration in myself while blaming the world and others

Being judgemental and critical

Without realising it I had crossed a major hurdle

I was now admitting to myself that I had a problem

The second insight was realising that no one other than myself was responsible for this state of affairs

Then came the understanding that I was the one who had to change this

No course could do this although certainly several courses I attended gave me insights into other aspects and possibilities

Too often they added little except more frustration

Often I had this feeling that they did not really know much either

Over time I learned to see that those who did not know much talked a lot

Claimed a lot and when questioned or challenged would retreat into jargon or a mumbo jumbo of how I was not ready or how this was secret or how I did not understand

And so this went on for a long time

Then basically I gave up on the courses and started reading more

Spending more time in nature

Beginning to do things that I had put off and really decided I wanted to do

One such was Shiatsu

Through this I began to find some peace in myself

Began to calm down and to see how uptight I was

Shiatsu led to other healing arts

To helping others which lead to doing different things in my life

What was happening during this period was that the focus was coming off myself

Less thought about myself, me

More about other people, becoming interested and concerned about their problems

And then one day I got it I realised I was beginning to let go

Another breakthrough came when I met someone who I felt had something different

What I was not sure, however her peace and calm disposition hit some space in me

I wanted to understand how she maintained this composure and friendliness during very demanding situations

I was lucky that she gave me some time

She gave me what she called a correction using her skills to help me let go further unblocking old pains

A lot more of the old tensions came out of me

And she told me simple things I could do to keep this experience expanding

So finally I was learning how to let go and to move on

And you where are you on your own journey of self understanding?