Friday, January 27, 2012

One liners



Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
.
going the wrong way.
.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
.
tried.
.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
.
it.
.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness
.
of the bread.
.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
.
ability to reach it.
.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
.
is research.
.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
.
principles.
.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch
.
up.
.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

No comments: